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News/Business. (2010) What parents tell their kids to keep them safe; hidden cameras reveal what kids do when put to the test. New. (CC) (Stereo)

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  NBC    Dateline NBC    News/Business.  (2010) What parents tell their kids to keep  
   them safe; hidden cameras reveal what kids do when put to...  

    September 13, 2010
    10:00 - 11:00pm PDT  

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♪ >> narrator: the joys of parenthood. we all like to think our kids are perfect. we all know they are not. >> have a nice day. >> narrator: but how well do you know your kids? have you taught them to stand up to a bully? >> sit down. i don't want you playing. >> this is going to be interesting. >> narrator: do they know to keep the door locked when a stranger knocks? >> would not ever open a door to a stranger? >> probably not. >> help me! my wife is sick. >> narrator: would your teen go for a ride with someone she
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thinks was drinking? >> i was drinking this morning for my birthday. >> narrator: tonight an eye popping hidden camera peek into the secret lives of your child. you have been talking. have they been listening? surviving the perils of have they been listening? surviving the perils of parenting. captions paid for by nbc-universal television good evening and welcome to "dateline" i'm ann curry. what if you could spy on your kids, not online but as they go through a typical day dealing with some typical problems. a group of parents got the chance to do just that with the help of "dateline"'s hidden cameras. here's kate snow. >> narrator: with so many more distractions for parents and temptations for kids, modern
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parenting can be a minefield. >> i multitask with toys. i like to be the n people. >> what's that? >> blackberry messenger? >> narrator: did this scene ring a bell? >> her room in our house. >> narrator: parents resorting into hacking into her daughter's computer. >> says she's in a relationship. has been for a month. >> narrator: we all try to be good parents, but are we being effective? i'm a mom myself, two kids, 5 and 7. you wonder if you are giving your kids the best tools to prepare them for the critical decisions that they face. tonight, some value lessons. we are putting parenting to the test. you will see kids in situations that could be every parent's worst nightmare or their proudest moments. we found a group of parents who agreed to let us secretly videotape their children as they make pivotal decisions.
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have they taught their kids the right thing when it comes to letting a stranger in the house? or getting in a car with someone they think has been drinking? >> what's going on inside right now? >> and what about dealing with a bully? >> i don't want to see her. i want her to sit over there. >> it's our first test tonight. here's how we did it. we set up a casting call for a fake reality tv show called generation gap. and these two girls think they are here to try out. >> hi, my name is sara. >> my name is jacqueline and i love to have adventures in my backyard. >> i love ice cream. >> their parents are in on this unscientific test allowing us to see how their parents react when another child is being bullied. >> you have to hit it. >> it's an important illustration. parenting expert michelle boreba who wrote "the big book of parenting solutions" says teaching a kid who witness
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bullying may be the key to solving this growing problem. >> on the school campus, we know there's about 85% of kids who are called bystanders. they are the ones who are watching. >> what kind of power do they have? >> they have tremendous power, the missing link, the silent majority, to teach them step in, be safe. >> kids know what to do when they witness what looks like a helpless girl being verbally abused. we brought them into a room filled with hidden cameras. unbeknownst to them three actresses. we hired one to play the bully. one to be her accomplice, and one more to act like a victim. >> i love to play softball. >> all five girls appear to be trying out for generation gap, but once we leave them alone, our three actresses will go to work. >> i get number one. >> the mothers of the other two agreed to let us do this because they want to shine a light on
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bullying. they are in a room down the hall watching the girls as the hidden cameras roll. >> she's very friendly. >> sara's mom has taught her daughter to steer clear from bullying. >> i said if they are not being nice and you said something to them and they still haven't heard you, you need to step back and just move everybody that you are still friends with away from that. >> what about 13-year-old jackie? >> she's definitely a strong kid. >> jackie's been taught there's no excuse when it comes to bullying p do something to stop it or walk away. >> the bullying from my point of view, of course, is definitely not acceptable. >> did the lesson sink in? will jackie or sara do anything to stop the bullying today? >> i want my mommy, i want my mommy. i want to cry. boo-hoo-hoo. coming up -- >> she's failing majorly. it's like terrible.
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>> the bully strikes fit.rs will anyone strike back? when the perils of parenting continues. [ male announcer ] learn about a free trial offer from abilify. if you're taking an antidepressant and still feel depressed, one option your doctor may consider is adding abilify. abilify treats depression in adults when added to an antidepressant. some people had symptom improvement in as early as one to two weeks after adding abilify. now with the abilify (me+) program, your first two weeks of abilify can be free. abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it. in some cases, extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death.
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our hidden cameras are rolling as these moms watch to see what their daughters will do when they witness this girl being bullied. again, the bully, her accomplice, and the victims are actresses we hired. they are just pretending. sara's mom thinks she knows how her daughter will react. >> she's going to be the observer, and then she's going to probably step back, and then she will talk about it for three hours when we get home. >> jackie's mom said her
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daughter has confronted bullies before. >> she said. it's absolutely happened. i don't know if she would do that for somebody she doesn't know. i'm not sure. >> so let's see what happens. remember, they think they are auditioning for a reality tv show called "generation gap." our producer asked them to play some video games and pick the ones they are best at. >> everybody has to play and you are going to have about 15 minutes. >> i'm watching with the parents and parenting expert michele borba. >> i will be right outside if you need me. >> that's important, she said if you need me for anything, i'm right outside. >> we want the girls to know there is an adult close by in case they they'd one. our actress wastes no time and begins her verbal attack. >> i don't really want to play with you so you go out. >> right away jackie and sara take notice. >> why are you being so mean to her? >> she doesn't know how to play. >> so? >> when the bullies continues --
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>> she's failing majorly. it's like terrible. >> jackie again calls it like she sees it. >> that's so mean. >> jackie, what do you think. >> jackie used the word mean at least twice, two or three times, you are so mean. and you are seeing the stress on her face. so mean. >> now, watch what sara does. she tries to get the group to focus on something else. >> anyone else know how hot it is outside? >> again. >> oh, my gosh, this does smell good. >> i want her to sit over there. >> she keeps trying to change the subject. >> she doesn't like confrontations, so she's going to try to keep it status quo. >> sara may not know it but according to our expert, she's using an important anti-bullying technique called distraction. >> it is one way you could pull a bully away from the group. >> then jackie and sara try to stick up for our victim.
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>> obviously she's not ashamed for interacting with anyone because she's not talking at all. she's talking to me and jackie. >> our bully is relentless. >> i want my mommy, i want my mommy. >> eventually the girls seem to give up, ignoring both the bully and the victim. >> let me show you this. >> i know. >> now it's time to stop the bullying. will any of the girls tell our producer what's been going on? >> hi, there. >> not a word. so what are they thinking? >> hi, girls. my name is kate snow. and i am with "dateline nbc." i tell them there is no reality show. instead a lesson for all of us to know how to deal with bullies. these three girls are actors. they are in on it with us. she is actually not a big jerk like she is pretending to be and
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their friends. you both spoke up against bee. you said you are being mean. >> i'm coming in like not knowing anyone, so i was kind of like trying to defend her but not like start something. >> you know what you kept doing, sara, you kept changing the subject. >> yeah. >> how about that wii game. >> another thing they could have tried befriending the victim which our said says can sometimes be just as effective. she role plays with them how to do it. >> be mean like you were. this time watch what she does. perfect. stop. you don't have to say anything, but i want you to at least start walking a little closer over to this girl. you can either stand next to her or you can put your arm around her. you can do something quiet. okay? and look at the smile on her face already. >> let's try it again. we escort our next group of kids into the room wired with hidden cameras. >> you need to go through the game. >> this time the actors we hired
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are boys, a bully, his helper, and a victim. again, the other three kids think they are here to try out for a reality tv show. >> i'm alex. >> my name is jessica. >> i'm lacy. >> their parents will be watching what they do. like all the other parents, alex's mom says they talk about bullies, but usually only when it comes up. >> it's definitely an issue in the school. they try to educate the kids about it. >> jessica was the target of bullying when she switched schools last year. >> that must have been really hard on mom. >> it was terrible. truly terrible. >> will jessica's firsthand experience make her more likely to step up. >> hopefully she will try to support whoever is being bullied because she's been there. >> and what about this girl, lucy. she just won her school's eighth grade character award given to the student who is most likely willing to lend a hand. >> she is very kind to everybody. >> this dad is curious to see
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her in action when she has no idea she's being watched. >> i think she's probably going to go to the person being bullied and kind of get them out of the situation. i would be surprised if she didn't do something. so this is going to be interesting. >> again, the group is instructed to play videogames to prepare for the reality show competition. our actor bully jumps right in. but the bully has barely gotten a word in, just one snide comment that the victim is no good at this video game when lucy fires back. >> you're playing. come on. >> that's not good. >> don't be mean. >> i'm not going to be mean. >> in fact, just as her dad predicted, lucy quickly befriends our victim. >> come on, we are going to win this match. >> i love her. i love her. don't be mean. >> and over and over she firmly stands up to the bully. >> okay. stop with it. stop. you're being annoying. >> i'm not faking fun of him. i'm just saying the fact that
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he's not going to lose. >> that's rude. you shouldn't be saying that about people. >> what's more, she tries to reason with the bully while showing concern for the victim's feelings. >> you see how you're getting your feelings hurt. i want to stand up for people and if you were getting picked on, i would stand up to you. >> she's amazing. >> lucy's performance has an effect on the group. watch her give jessica the confidence to step in. >> stop being mean to people. >> you are being mean. >> covering his mouth. >> because of one child activating it, the other one teps in. that's how you mobile lies it. >> lucy stepped in there and got in his face, right? >> she's still doing it. >> and when our producer returns, lucy doesn't hesitate to tell an adult exactly what's going on. >> he's getting mean on us. i'm trying to stick up. >> before she gets too mad, we break the news that the bullying was just an act. >> so these guys are actors. and you actually like each other. >> oh, my gosh.
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>> lucy even apologizeds to our actor. >> oh, my god, i'm sorry. >> oh, no. it's fun. >> so how do we teach our children to be more like the kids we have met tonight? borba says the most important thing is to set a good example. by the way, it's the average kid who doesn't step in, and when we go, ah, well, it's also the average adult. >> start talking about bullying with your kids before it starts. when they are young, way before middle school. we reunite the families from both guys. when lucy is met with her dad, she is overcome with emotion. >> i am so incredibly proud with the way you stood up for max. it just comes so naturally to you. >> i'm sorry. >> oh, don't cry, baby. >> no, i just felt so bad. i'm so happy that that wasn't real. >> and we are all happy that she's showing kids it's okay to do the right thing.
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would your kids do the right thing if a stranger showed up when they were home alone. >> would matt evern ope a door to a stranger? >> probably not. >> open the door, my wife is sick! and later on "dateline," the dangers of drinking and driving. will these teens ride with someone they think is drunk? >> i would hope she would call me. but i don't know exactly what she would do. >> the answer when "dateline" continues. its great. i eat anything that i want. key lime pie, pineapple upside down cake, raspberry cheesecake... ...yeah, every night its something different. oh yeah yeah...she always keeps them in the house. no no no, i've actually lost weight... i just have a high metabolism or something... ...lucky. [ wife ] babe... ♪ umm, i gotta go. [ female announcer ] over 30 delicious flavors at around 100 calories each. yoplait, it is so good. indulge in yoplait light's two new flavors. triple berry torte and black forest cake.
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it's a parent's worst nightmare, their child being snatched by a stranger. a safety concern "dateline" has put to the test in the past. would children let a stranger into their own front door. >> i cannot believe that they opened the door. i am shocked. i think they will not open the door. >> he just opened the door. he didn't even do the right thing. >> when we ran our unscientific experiment back in 2007, the kids let the stranger in two out of three times. >> you are 14 and 12, how many times have i told you never open the door or strangers. >> it is exceedingly rare for a child to be abducted by a total
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stranger. but in our exclusive wired world where cable tv shows shows about missing children, we have all become more attuned to the potential dangers. parents talk about it. there are dvds. >> are there people that can hurt you? there are. >> but would kids get the message, or would a child still let a stranger in a door? we begin on a quiet street in suburban new jersey. like so many of us, paige has taught the children never to let strangers in the house. but she doesn't want to scare the kids and hopes that common sense will carry them through. >> my parents worked. i was home alone with my siblings. i have we have a more or less less scary, less stressful attitude about it. >> we are putting it to the
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test. we rigged their home with hidden cameras. i'm across the street with paige and her husband watching their kids through a monitor in our surveillance van. >> so you are nervous? >> yeah. i think he's going to appeal for them. >> kenwooden is the father of "child lure's prevention," a national organization that helps parents and teachers prevent crimes against youth. he's doing something that sounds really farfetched. he's posing as a milk inspector with the sheriff's department saying there's a rash of problems with milk in the area and he needs to check every carton. fortunately, a story like that actually worked many times for a child predator who was ultimately sent to prison for 80 years. ken walks into the porch and right up to the main door of the house. inside 12-year-old emmy calls over her older brother. >> seth? seth, come here. >> 14-year-old sam joins emmy,
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and despite their parents' warnings, they open the door. >> everything is okay. i'm with the sheriff's department. >> the kids seem to buy his story. >> do you have milk in your refrigerator? >> they walk back to the kitchen to get some milk and leave the door wide open behind them. when they come back, our bogus inspector asks a key question. >> can i step in here for a second. >> oh, they let him right in. >> in the van nervous laughter, but if ken really had bad intentions, he would have had ample time to overpower the kids. we follow some and emmy's parents inside and explain what we have been up to. >> you failed. >> we were wrong. >> why did you do that, though? you thought he was completely legitimate, right? >> yeah. he had the badge. >> he had the badge. >> experts say we need to be more specific with kids. for example, tell them that if a
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grownup flashes a badge or wears a uniform, don't take their word for it, call the police to see in they are legitimate. >> we also need to make sure that we give our children permission to say no to an authority if in their gut they feel like something is wrong. >> the thinking on what we should teach our kids has evolved over the years. according to parenting expert michele borba. >> the new thinking is we don't use the word stranger danger. instead you are far more successful if you help your child learn to be aware of certain situations. >> situations like the one we are recreating just a few miles away. will 12-year-old matthew let a stranger in the front door? his mom, tanya, a substitute fifth grade teacher sure hopes not. she rarely leaves her son alone, and when she does, she almost always gives him a stern reminder before she leaves, don't open the door for anyone. >> would matt ever open the door to a stranger? >> probably not.
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probably not. >> this time our expert is pretending to have an emergency. >> oh, there he is. he's at the door. >> talia watches anxiously from our van. >> oh, god. >> could you help me? help me. my wife is sick. i need your phone to call a hospital. it doesn't work. please help me. open the door. open the door. my wife is sick. >> no. >> just open the door. >> go to the house next-door. >> matt does something experts recommend, telling the stranger to go find an adult. >> i am really proud of him. >> you are really proud of him? >> i am just so impressed. >> we head inside to tell matt what a good job he's done. he's a little shaken up, but as soon as his mom explains what's going on, he's okay. >> he's a nice guy. >> his mom calls it a teachable moment, and our experts agree. >> matthew just gets the "a." and why matthew gets the "a" is for assertiveness.
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>> why would someone come to a kid and ask them for some help when there's so many adults around. >> you are looking at a key parenting moment. all those years of repeating the message to her son has paid off. reputation and role playing are what can ultimately make the difference between whether your kids open themselves up to danger or not. guess what else our kids learn from us? >> i knew i wasn't supposed to be using my phone in the car. >> does mommy or daddy ever use their phone and text while they are driving? >> yes. >> when ""the perils of parenting"" continues. successful investing is done.w at e-trade it's harnessing some of the most powerful yet easy to use trading tools on the planet to help diversify, identify opportunities, take action. it's using professional grade research and your brain to seek maximum returns to reach your goals. it's investing with intelligence and cold hard conviction.
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so far we have been looking at ways to teach our children to do the right thing, but sometimes unintentionally parents can teach their children to do the wrong thing, putting them at serious risk. here again is kate snow.
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>> this teen is putting on lipstick. this one is changing tracks on an ipod. this one is chatting on the cell. teens so dangerously distracted, they have lost focus. >> they don't have both hands on the wheel, both eyes on the road, you are not driving safely. >> hello? >> it's an epidemic because everybody uses their cell phone while they are driving. >> most parents try warning their teens about the dangers of distracted driving before they even think about handing over the keys. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> so why then with all the parental pressure and bans against it in 30 states do 1 in
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3 teens fess up to texting while driving anyway? >> [ bleep ]. >> luckily no one in these videos was seriously hurt. they were recorded by a company called drive cam. in conjunction with american family insurance it installs cameras in the cars of novice drivers allowing nervous parents like these to keep tabs on their teens. >> if there's a sudden jarring to the car, it will send an e-mail clip of what had happened ten seconds before and ten seconds after. >> five months ago they handed 16-year-old jake his very first car keys along with some stern advice. >> don't use the cell phone when you are driving. just turn it off. >> and texting was a no-no. >> the yocums told him to keep his phone stashed in the glove box. the camera was just an added precaution. >> he's a pretty good kid so we weren't too worried about it. >> so imagine how stunned they
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were to see this. jake texting as he slams into a mailbox. >> it was just so quick and the sound of the mailbox hitting the car and his reaction and it was scary. >> i knew i wasn't supposed to be using my phone in the car. everybody thinks that it's not going to happen to them. i just looked down for a few seconds. >> but it only takes a few seconds. in jake's case, five. it was a frightening wake-up call. what if the mailbox had been a child instead? but here's the wake-up call for parents. jake told his folks that he and his friends are only copying what they have seen their parents do for years. that's right, mom and dad, they are mimicking us. >> does this scene from nbc's "parenthood" look familiar? who hasn't seen a parent hopelessly distracted by a phone? >> parents are actually texting
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more than kids. >> don't believe it. just listen to this group of 4 to 7 years old. >> she's just texting all the time. >> she texts all day. >> morning and nighttime. >> as their parents watched from another room along with parenting expert, michele borba, we pulled out the pillows to chat kid style about the beeping and buzzing devices that are not only a safety hazard, but can have an emotional impact too. >> does anybody ever see their parents use their phone? >> oh, my god, it annoys me so much. >> why? >> because i want to spend time with her, she's like call, call. >> i wish phone was never invented. >> ouch. that's right, parents. our need to always be plugged in is sending our kid the message that they are not as important. >> she's not playing with me. she doesn't usually play with me. >> and the impact can be immediate. watch what happens when i ask a producer to call me in the middle of our interview.
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>> i know. i have seen. it's like "the wizard of oz." oh, wait one second, okay. sorry, hello. hi. you know what, i'm in the mid -- just one second here. i'm just kind of in the middle of an interview. oh, i got this e-mail. you guys mind if i just answer this one e-mail? >> hello. >> do you mind if i just answer this one e-mail? just one? just one? >> she lost the room. >> she lost it. >> she lost all control. >> and when i finally turned my attention back to them, these little ones had plenty to say. >> what was it like when i just answered that e-mail? >> boring! >> and what does that make you feel like? >> sad. >> why? >> we feel you don't even care about me, you care about the phone. >> listen to that. i feel like she doesn't care about me it's a really key line. >> not only do our kids feel
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dismissed, even if we don't realize it, we are teaching them that it's perfectly normal to try and do ten things all at once. >> i multitask with toys. >> you multitask with toys? >> i play with like about six toys at a time, seven, eight, nine, ten. >> where did you learn how to do that? did you ever see your dad do six things at the same time. >> he can talk on the phone and write papers and then type, type, type, write, write, write. >> does mommy and daddy ever use their phone and text while they are driving. >> yes. >> what do you think when she's doing that? >> i think she's going to get arrested. >> will any of you lessen the amount you are using your phone now because of what you just heard? >> i will 100%. >> i can't. but i definitely will talk to them about it. >> it would be great if we could all just correct completely and go home at night and never answer an e-mail and never take a phone call, but a lot of people can't do that. so how do you balance it?
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>> do a little honesty reality check and say when are the times that i shouldn't be using that blackberry. when it i turn it off? because that's family time and have zone-free plugged-out times and announce that to the kids. >> otherwise fast forward in about ten years and the moms and dads of these little ones may be watching videos like this. the parents the of the teens in this video showed them so that other kids will see that f forbidding texting and driving is not enough. >> it's hard to see that ding and you want to look down and see who it is, but you just try to set a better example for them. coming up, car crashes are the number one killer of teens. would your teen get into a car with someone he thinks has been drinking? >> i was drinking this morning for my birthday. >> the surprising choice these teens make.
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we all hope we have taught our kids how to make good decisions. when we are watching and when we are not, especially when a split second choice can have life or death consequences. would your child get in a car with a driver who has been drinking? in a recent national survey, nearly 30% of teens reported that within the previous month, they had rid, a driver who had been drinking alcohol. >> there's something unique about a teen's brain.
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number one is they think they are invincible. >> which brings us to another day, another casting call for our phony reality show, "generation gap." this one the test is one all kid desperately want their kids to pass. will they get in a car with someone they think has been drinking? >> i don't think she would. >> these parents have all given their teens instructions on what to do if they are faced with a situation. >> give me a call, whether it's 2:00 in the morning or 5:00 in the morning. i will come and get you. >> just like our bullying scenario, these teens think they are here for a reality tv show audition. >> hello. i'm 16. >> i'm stephanie. >> we have given them a task. they are trying to come up with a list of pop culture references their parents have never heard of. we told them it's for a competition that will take place later at a different location. >> i did not know that. >> my mom knows what "gtl" is.
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>> once again we have planted actors in the group. this is lyle. we have hired him to pretend that he's been drinking. >> why are you wearing sunglasses? >> i don't know. they make things brighter. >> the other actor is brenny. her job is to make him believable. >> what drinks do you like? >> the two unsuspecting teens are an honor student named phil and a 15-year-old cheerleader brielle. and though she's young, her mom says she knows all too well the consequences of drinking and driving. >> there was just somebody from our town, i think he was a senior, who was killed drinking and driving, and i know it affected my daughter. she was very sad. >> our actor, lyle, begins the ruse by pretending it's his birthday and letting it slip that he was drinking before arriving at the audition. >> i was drinking this morning for my birthday.
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whatever. this is a reality show. every reality show has a clown, i guess. >> later, lyle acts like there's more than just water in his bottle. >> well, gee -- >> you are drinking alcohol? >> whatever. it's my birthday. >> it's whatever, it's my birthday. and i'm only 18. i'm not 21. >> brieelle and phil's mom watch intently. >> now he's told them twice. he just said that he drank thong and he's saying he's drinking right now. >> okay. >> now the moment of truth. we are about to give the kids their next task. drive to a nearby studio for the made-up competition. >> we are going to go in separate cars. >> so she's got the directions. >> that's when we hand the key to lyle. >> i was reading and i notice
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that it's your birthday. >> yeah. >> you get to drive. >> look at brielle. >> oh, my god. >> will they get in the car or will they remember all those conversations with their parents? >> i'm going to hope and pray to god now that she wouldn't get in that car. >> i think she wouldn't go. you know what, i don't know. >> i'm scared. coming up, two teens make what in real life could be a life-or-death decision. >> what's going on inside right now? hearts racing? >> yeah. >> when "the perils of [ mel ] we're the lunds, and our family has owned five camrys.
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these two teenagers are about to make a critical
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decision. they think they are here for a reality tv show audition, and one of the contestants is bragging about drinking. >> whatever. i was drinking this morning for my birthday. whatever. >> actually, he's an actor we hired to pretend to be slightly drunk. he has not really been drinking. now we have reached the point where we ask the teens to get in a car that he will be driving. >> hi, you get to drive. >> oh, my god. >> their moms are glued to the monitor. >> what's going on inside right now? hearts racing? >> yeah. as far as i know he was drinking this morning and he's been drinking out of that bottle and they have seen half of it is gone. >> all of the teens leave the room. our two actors and the two test kids. they make the long walk through the hotel lobby. there's still time to say no. they head to the parking lot. and everybody hops in.
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>> what do you wish they were doing right now? not getting in the car, texting you, calling you? >> yeah. >> oh, brielle, get out of the car. >> brieelle makes a stunning comment about that recent death caused by a drunk driver. we let them drive off, but not far. they pull back around to be greeted by our cameras and their disappointed parents. >> did you know he was drinking? >> yeah. >> and did you think it was smart to get in the car with him? >> no. >> so why did you? >> we were like freaking out, but -- >> i told them what's really going on. i'm kate. i'm with dateline nbc. >> i told them lyle is an actor and that he hasn't really been drinking, but why did they get in the car? >> we were kind of like you
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can't drive, i don't know, it was weird. i did mention that my friend just passed away from that. >> that's why i really didn't think you would do it. >> at first you didn't want to go in the front, and then you ended up in front. why didn't you want to go in the front? >> because i was scared. >> why? >> because he was drinking. >> but you still went. >> yeah. >> they both say they weren't sure just how intoxicated the driver was, but their moms counter, that's no excuse. >> we are trying to start a conversation amongst parents and kids, not just here but all across america when we show this because i think a lot of, frankly, a lot of teenagers would do the exact same thing. >> in fact, studies bear that out, says parenting expert michele borba. >> both kids aren't alone. the majority of kids would get in that car. >> so what do parents do to help kids make the right choice? we need to understand that teens need a way to save face in a tricky situation. give them a secret code they can
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text you. >> the code can be nothing more than push three ones, 1, 1, 1. if you get that, it means drop everything, go pick up that kid and no questions asked. >> we decided to try it again, this time with teens whose parents consider themselves pretty strict. 17-year-old stephanie has an 11:00 curfew. >> is she allowed to go places, parties? >> no parties. >> and 16-year-old nyrel, his mother is a corrections captain at riker's island, a new york city jail. even though he's never been in serious trouble, she's never taken any chances. >> check his pockets. i do drug test my son. >> do you think he uses drugs? >> no. none of the tests came up positive. >> this time our actor, lyle, will really play up the drinking and act clearly drunk. >> what's this called? >> aqua red bull. >> have you had it? >> yeah.
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>> before they are making a list of pop cultural phrases they don't think their parents know. lyle looks like he can barely keep his head up. >> i have this. this is orange vodka. so it's not just straight -- >> oh, my gosh. >> whatever, guys. it's my birthday. >> he's drunk. >> whatever. >> we have also sprayed lyle's clothes with alcohol. >> what? he's slurring his words. he said he drank last night. he said he drank this morning. >> but when we tell them they need to ride with lyle, what would they do? >> i would hope she would call me, but i don't know exactly what she would do. >> i think he will get in there. >> you think he will get in the car? >> yeah. >> okay.
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>> birthday boy. >> this time when our producer tosses lyle the keys, he drops them. he's trying to reinforce that he's had too much to drink. will had it be enough to keep these kids from strict households think twice? >> that's not good. >> what? >> you're kind of intoxicated. >> no, i'm totally fine. >> all right. >> she said that's not good. but then she said all right. >> i can tell he's very uncomfortable. >> your daughter started to say something, and then she kind of stopped herself. >> she did say herself. i don't know, like i said, because she's in an entire comfortable situation like with her friends or anything. >> they both walk out of the room and follow our actors. they head down to the lobby where lyle drops his keys again. will that make anyone turn back? they can stop at any point. but they don't. as soon as we bring them back,
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nyrelle's mom wastes no time giving him the business. >> are you kidding me? you got in the car like that? >> remember, she's the corrections captain at a jail who always has an eye on her son. >> what happened? >> what do you mean what happened? you normally get in a car when someone has been drinking. >> when i tell them what's really going on, again, they say they were trying out for a reality tv show and they didn't really think lyle was drunk. >> how would you know if he was drunk or not? >> i don't know. i thought i could tell. >> did you think for a second at all, maybe i shouldn't go with this guy company. >> yeah. >> so why did you? >> because i thought it was in the show. >> you kind of thought you had to? >> i don't know, i was at an audition, i thought i was at a safe place. >> second i saw him drop the keys like five times, i thought, okay, maybe i shouldn't get in
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there. >> what did you think would happen differently? >> maybe i should not disregard it. >> you had that gut feeling, right? >> yeah. >> so the lessons for parents, be clear about the punishments for getting in a car with a drunk driver. borba says make it severe like taking away their license, and tell them to use that threat as a comeback line to stand up to peer pressure. >> whatever the comeback line is, prepare it. i signed a contract with my dad that if i get in a car and he finds out that i'm there, i won't get my license and he will take away the kids. >> while this was hardly a scientific test in an unusual circumstance, borba emphasizes that parents need to be crystal clear when it comes to drunk driving. >> kids will always come up with an excuse, be it the reality show or i couldn't get a ride or i didn't think he was drunk. you need to keep instilling in their kids there is no excuse.
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>> in the end for all of us who may be worried about what we have and haven't taught our children about bullying, dealing with strangers, or safe driving, remember this. >> it is never too late. you're concerned that you haven't done that little lesson or done that little talk, sit down with your child and have it. tonight's the night. >> it was a lesson learned for all of us. ♪ >> that's all for this edition of "dateline" monday. we are back again for "dateline" friday at 8:00, 7:00 central. i'm ann curry, and for all of us friday at 8:00, 7:00 central. i'm ann curry, and for all of us here at nbc news, good night. -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com next, new video of the san bruno explosion. what happened before and after bthatst andla

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